Monday, October 21, 2019


Canada Oct. 2019 Jon was driving, Cody was in the back seat, I was in the passenger seat, Billy Ray was on the roof, and Shane was in the trunk. Not sure how these seating arrangements were determined, but even more, not sure how we acquired this “80” something model pale peach colored LTD. Billy Ray was singing on the roof, Shane was screaming and beating on the lid of the trunk, Cody kept telling Shane to shut the hell up, and all of the sudden Jon started to turn green.. He slammed on the brakes, BR bounced off the hood and just disappeared, heard a thud in the trunk and Shane got quiet. Jon started hollerin "I gotta shit! I gotta shit!" I guess it was pretty bad, cause all he did was pull his shorts down just far enough to hang his ass over the edge of the running board (yeah, this LTD had running boards AND sittin on 35's).. anyway.. Jon didn't quite get his ass slid out enough when the volcano erupted. I had already dove outta the car thinking we were being shot at because the area we we in looked like "lil Bagdad". Then i heard Cody start yelling and cussing. In Jons attempt to clear the edge of the car, he didn't quite clear it and some shit shrapnel got on Cody. We all got out of the bad ass LTD lookin for Ray but he was gone, popped the trunk to let Shane out but he was gone too. Cody still cussing... Now the area all of the sudden looked like one of the back alleys on Menace To Society, can't know why. We got back in and drove what seemed like an hour when we seen someone on the side of the road sitting on a cooler so we figured we'd stop and pick them up since there was no sign of life around because the area was now resembling the Iraq desert. It was Joey Hipp, nursing a tasty vodka drink. His hands were all bruised and bloody like he'd been in some altercation. First words out of his mouth were "you got my money?" He got in, we all mixed a drink, and headed on down the road, which was now the crocker woods. We pulled over at a truck stop with showers so Cody could go clean up a lil bit and buy some more beer and liquor. Yeah theres a truck stop in the crocker woods now. A little while later we ran out of gas and coasted to some garage with pressboard double swinging doors. A man and a woman walked out weighing at least 350 each, with and english accent. They said we could stay the night in their 8th floor apartment next door and would get us some gas in the morning. We asked where we were and they said Saskatchewan.. not sure how that happened. As me, Jon, Cody(still cussing), and Hipp were about to walk up the stairs, here come two mexicans walking down the alley with Shane. He was half way thru a bottle of Mescal, and the worm was already gone. They said they found him in a titty bar down the street, heard there was some rednecks in town and figured he belonged to us. Somehow somewhere i had lost my shirt, Jon was in shorts and flip flops, Cody was in a ghillie suit with a .50 cal on his shoulder, and Joey had on a Hawaiian shirt and a kilt. We started up the stairs to the 8th floor but ended up on the 13th floor. We walked in this one room apartment which was only about 12'x12'. Billy Ray was already there cooking rooster fries and chitterlings, and baking a loaf of bread. Shane passed out on the bed which took up half the room, Cody started fighting with Hipp, Jon went next door with some naked seƱorita that showed up with some pickled okra, BR kept singing Merle, i finished off the bottle of Mescal, Buffy and Paula showed up and made Cody & Shane leave with them. Then i woke up..

Friday, March 25, 2016


If you get hit and killed in a freak accident by a runaway trailer while walking down the sidewalk surfing porn on your cell phone, I'm not sure the porn had anything to do with it... I want to be a news reporter when I grow up